Embracing My Whiteness

I have always wanted to be Black. I have tried to tan as much as is naturally possible, and I can get pretty dark, but I am still clearly a white person. I have contemplated the texture of my hair, which is curly, half smooth and half kinky. When a friend told me it seemed like mixed hair, I was delighted, but I am normally the one to point out its potential blackness, not others. I have hoped against hope that I have some Black relative a few generations back so that I might be Black. Only recently did I realize that even if this was so, I do not look Black, I am not perceived as Black, and I am not culturally Black. I am White, and I cannot escape it.

The blacker I have tried to appear, the more I realize I am White. For example, I have braids right now. My dear friend Layla spent six hours braiding my head, in fact, and it looks good, but it does not look Black. Although my hair is partly kinky, it is not curly enough to have the braids stay without ponytails, rubber bands, moños, whatever you would like to call them. I am White, and even my poofy, curly hair is White.

This past year, I had gotten it into my head that being White is bad. Structural racism is caused by the white supremacy underlying Western society, and I do not want to be a part of that injustice. However, this line of thought led me to subconsciously generalize that being White is bad. This is not logical because people do not choose what color they are born, but it is still how I thought for many months.

Everyone knows the phrase “Black is beautiful,” right? But I had forgotten that Whites are beautiful, too. I had forgotten that White does not equal evil. Everyone has something unique to offer, everyone can walk hand in hand with God if they follow Jesus, and everyone was made by the Creator God. God does not distinguish between races.

God’s love extends equally to Blacks, Whites, Hispanics, Asians, Pacific Islanders, Native Americans, et cetera. This does not mean that He loves minorities more than Whites in order to achieve justice on earth. No, God loves Whites just as much as He loves minorities. I do not know that many people have the same problem I do where their head is reversed to see Blacks as more valuable. Most people have the opposite problem, although it may be well hidden, and that is why the United States is still segregated and full of racism. But my attitude has been wrong. I have mentally degraded Whites and myself in an attempt to elevate Blacks from their lower position in society.

At All School Communion on Wednesday, I was contemplating my race. I did not see myself as beautiful, but God had been working in me for a long while to show me His view of humanity. As usual, He spoke through the music at All School. “Beautiful Things” by Gungor played just after I realized that I am indeed beautiful as a White person.

I am not beautiful even though I am White or despite being White, and I am not beautiful simply because I am White. I am beautiful regardless of my Whiteness. As the chapel band played the opening chords of “Beautiful Things,” I smiled broadly, having just realized that my whiteness is beautiful. Although I love dark skin, my pale skin is beautiful. But as I began to sing along, I realized that the song is not at all about physical beauty; “Beautiful Things” speaks of the inner beauty God creates.

God does not care what race or ethnicity you and I are. Yes, it certainly shapes us, but race truly is socially constructed. It does not have to define us. Race and ethnicity do not actually matter to God, for He has allowed everyone who trusts Jesus to be brought to Him.

In the Bible days, the big social divide was between the Jews and the Gentiles, who were otherwise known as Greeks. As their name implies, the Jews had grown up in Jewish religion, and they read the Scriptures about the coming Messiah, the Christ; the Greeks were the non-Jews. Many Jews were arrogant about “their” Savior, the Christ, after they became Christians. They wanted to impose their Jewish traditions upon the Greeks, and they basically thought they were more deserving than the Greeks. But when Jesus Christ came to earth about two thousand years ago, He actually did something shocking that the new Messianic Jews did not realize at first: He made both the Jews and the Gentiles become one through His sacrifice.

Just as these two social groups were unified in Jesus Christ and stood equal before God, so minorities and Whites stand equal before God. We all disobey Him. This sin is what separates us from God, not our color. But Jesus died for us all, should we believe in Him, and this is what bridges the gap between God and us. We can come to the Father God because of Jesus Christ alone.

The Ethiopian with whom the Biblical character Phillip shared the Gospel and baptized–this Black man will be in Heaven someday with Jesus, who was born as an Arab. White supremacy is not found anywhere in the Bible, but equal standing before God is found throughout the entire book.

I, too, stand before the God who cares about what is inside people and not about their outward appearances. I am White. I am beautiful. I have value. You may not be White, yet you are beautiful and valuable. We are valuable because God loves our souls and had Jesus Christ, His Son, give up everything to redeem them.

The first day I met Layla, the friend who braided my hair and one of my future roomies, I told her I wanted to be Black. She was quite surprised and encouraged me that God made me White for a reason.

Over half a year later, I now realize that I can use my whiteness for God’s glory. If I was born Black, would I have had the same desire to unify races and ethnicities? Maybe, but I likely would not have had the same ability to do so. Let’s face it: in the States, we live in a racist society. But because I am White, I have more voice, and I can use it to speak up for those whose voices go unheard.

This year has included the long process of becoming more racially aware, overcoming prejudices by God’s grace, desiring to be something God did not create me to be, learning to accept my whiteness, and finally embracing it. If I merely accept that I am White, I will not rejoice in who I am; I will still desire to be Black but merely realize its impossibility. Thus, I am still on that last step of embracing my race, for then I can use that socially constructed identity to fulfill God’s Biblical command of justice.

I must allow God to continually remind me of who I am in Him. Remember, it is our insides that matter! Yet because I am White, and I can reach out both to minorities and to other Whites to listen, understand, and bring greater unity among God’s “very good” creation. I am White, and I am White for a reason.