Love and sex are two different things that do not have to align. I made the following list a while ago and thought it was worth sharing since there’s such a strong pressure for people to have or to enjoy sex. Here are 13 reasons why someone might not want it:
1. They have endometriosis, so sex can be painful rather than pleasurable.
2. They don’t feel well, whether due to a one-time stomach ache, longer term depression, or something else.
3. They’re tired.
4. They don’t know you well enough to feel comfortable.
5. They don’t like you or aren’t sexually attracted to you. Not everybody will be.
6. They have experienced trauma that impacts the way they interact with sexual activities.
7. You two are in a tiff, and you need to work out your communication in order for your partner to regain trust and intimacy, if intimacy is what’s desired through sex.
8. They’re cautious about the slight chance of STIs or STDs even with protection.
9. They’re sore from other physical activities and want to give their body a break.
10. They experienced female genital mutilation, making sex extremely painful and often unpleasurable.
11. They’re on their period.
12. They have guests staying with them or are in a more public setting than feels comfortable to them.
13. They just don’t want it! Not now, and maybe not ever. And either way, that’s okay.
Note: Religious reasons for celibacy aren’t included in this list because celibacy is a choice, and this non-comprehensive list is simply touching on the lack of desire for sex.
This post was inspired by the book Ace by Angela Chen, which I “read” on Audible this past summer and highly recommend.
Sex isn’t everything. Even if you enjoy it, you may still have moments where you don’t want it, or don’t want it with the person who wants it with you. That is always valid, despite the cultural pressures that say otherwise.
In the comments below, add more potential reasons why sex might not be desired! *Disrespectful and spam comments will be deleted. Please be thoughtful.*